Evacuation letter- Bismah

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Evacuation letter- Bismah, posted with vodpod

Here is Bismah’s evacuation letter from Writers Workshop. To view you need to click on the link at the bottom of this post.

Please leave a comment on the voicethread. Let her know what you like about the piece of writing. Are any words particularly effective? Has she used any sophisticated connectives to good effect?

Is there anything she could improve to make her writing better?

Remember- you can leave an audio comment or a written comment. Click on the link to see the voice thread in full size because you won’t be able to read the writing here.

18 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    jfb57 said,

    I really loved this letter Bismah & as a mum, I would have been really pleased to have got it. I really enjoyed the bit about the cow & the PS at the bottom. Your description of the train journet was very graphic. You should be very pleased with your work!

  2. 2

    shawon said,

    I liked it when Bismah used the word deafening. She also used a lot of describing words. Her sentences made sense.

  3. 3

    rayan's cousin said,

    Hi year4 when i looked at your blog everything was excellent and i love reading this evacuation letter.

  4. 4

    rayan said,

    i’m so happy because my cousin write a comment for the first time.

  5. 5

    rayan's cousin said,

    your work was excellent year4 and i liked your blog and that evacuation letter.

  6. 6

    ASMA said,

    Hi my name is Asma i love your work and im in year 3 im learning about Romans and I like you work and I have a rabbet and I take my dog for a work and I go chorlton park school.

  7. 7

    palvasha said,

    Hello I’m Palvasha from Chorlton Park Primary School. My favourite thing to do is Painting and Drawing. I have been learning about Romans. I have learnt that a Rebellion is like a kind of fight and like violence when you are told to do something and you don’t do it.

  8. 8

    Bismah said,

    Thank you to every-one for looking at my work and whoever left a message.Thank you Palvasha and Asma for writing on our bearwood blog!

  9. 9

    jasmine said,

    Nice verey nice. I think it is fab 🙂

  10. 10

    Richard said,

    welldone very good.

  11. 11

    mya said,

    Thank you for taking a look at our blog and yes Bismah’s letter is so interesting.

  12. 12

    Brandon K said,

    This vidio is very good from Brandon K I am from leamore primary school we have been doing world war 11.

  13. 13

    Haris said,

    I like voice thread. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. 14

    Naman3SH said,

    The granny prix game is coooooooooooooooooolllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. 15

    Bethany said,

    I love it very much

    From Bethany and Emily

    :p 😀

  16. 16

    Megan said,

    I really like this letter I think it is really good keep up the good work well done!!

    From megan & Yasmin 😛

  17. 17

    Rachel G said,

    Hello my name is Rachel and i am from Leamore Primary School i just wanted to say that i really liked that letter it was really good.

  18. 18

    Cameron H said,

    Really brilliant we are doing world war II to I am Cameron H and I am from Leamore primary School

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