Avatar story by Kyle and Shannon

Imagine a world where there are trees as tall as towers, the creatures are vicious and ferocious as a T-Rex and the flowers are as dazzling as the sun.
It all started when there was a man called Tony Harte and his best friend is Shanto and she is a scientist. Even though they were on a planet called Pandora to complete a mission to save the planet from a bomb that was about to explode they also needed the shiny, red vibrant stone worth £10,000000 and the Avatars had got it in Pandora!
“Hurry up Tony get in to your avatar body” yelled Shanto “ok ok” replied Tony.
“So is this my avatar body?” Said Tony.
“It sure is” said Shanto
“get in the time is almost up.” Said Shanto.
Tony’s legs where shaking and his hands were shivering because he was about to get into the avatar machine and be united with his avatar for the very first time. BANG BOOM! Then Tony was in his avatar body. Tony sat up and realized he could walk which he hadn’t been able to do for the last six year due to an accident that left him in a wheelchair. He was so relieved to be able to feel his feet again that he got up and kept hitting his tail at everyone. So Shanto came and said “wake up Tony!” Then Tony woke up.
“What?” yelled Tony then he got out of the machine
“GO back in and listen to the people or your fired, don’t mess around its extremely dangerous out there” yelled Shanto. After some time Tony went back into the machine and was connected to his avatar body again and then Shanto followed. Eventually they went into Pandora. Tony ran right and BANG there was a deafening noise! There was a six headed monster, Tony really felt like hitting it. Then Shanto shouted “NO”
“Why?” Tony asked.
“RAAAW!” screamed the monster, by this time it was too late and the monster charged at me. SO Shanto shooted that massive creature. Then shanto said to the creature “do you ever give up” tony said that’s it and killed the monster the monster RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWed shanto said “why did you kill it” because it tried to kill us do you understand. Yes yelled shanto. The next day shanto said get in your body. Okay shanto said tony 1 minit`1 he was in his avatar and he waked up and saw some avatars dead and tony saw the same monster looking around the place so tony hid under the tree and he saw some of the avatars and he saw his friend shanto he said to shanto what the hell happened hear shanto said nothink the monsters killed some the avatars and they have took them to eat them so they saw some miny monsters and tony go bitten buy one and shanto killed all of them so ugly people came and took them and tide them up a and we saw a massive bomb and we said lets defuse that bomb. Then some of the avatars came and saved us. And the bomb had 45 seconds so tony defused the bomb and they lived in Pandora forever.

14 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    mya said,

    I really enjoyed reading your story Shannon and Kyle, you put a lot of effort in.
    star: you used some great puncuation.
    wish: put a full stop or a comma in because in your last paragraph I couldn’t take a single breath!

  2. 3

    sabina said,

    I like your work i like the centrism and the wow words

  3. 4

    karolina said,

    i realy enjoyed reading your work i think you have thought about it and put in lots of detail and wow words.
    star: i love your wow words
    wish: check if it make some of the sentences dont make sence

  4. 5

    Zara said,

    I realkly enjoyed reading your work shannon and kyle. You used great wow words. I think just add in some puntuaction!!!!!!!!! 🙂 😦 😉 8)

  5. 6

    shannon said,

    Thanks i will use the wishes that you gave me next time. 🙂 😉

  6. 7

    shannon said,

    Thanks i really put a lot of effort in.

  7. 9

    cool kyle said,

    init shannon thanx for the comments

  8. 10

    karolina said,

    i think you have put in a lot of efort and worked hard on it. star: i like your wow words wish: At the end when you said they lived in pandor you could of added more detail and said where and why have they decided to. Any way your work is fab i mlove it.

  9. 11

    karolina said,

    I think it is fab i think i wouldent do better in my story i think you have tryed really hard and put in lots of detail and effort in. it hink you have really enjoyed writing it this is fab Shannon and Kyle.

  10. 12

    karolina said,

    this story is fab i think i couldn’t do better.

  11. 14

    ky ky harte said,

    thank you karolina and thank you all of you lol 😀 😎

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