The Mermaid Story By Shannon

Have you ever felt unloved by your family even though you try your best to entertain them?
Has your family ever hurt your feelings so deeply that you feel you have no choice but to abandon them and leave?
Have you tried to entertain your family but they ignore you no matter how hard you try?
Well my family has. I always try to do a funny and entertaining dance for my family who I love so much but they don’t appreciate me and they just walk away.
“Go away we don’t need you!” yelled my own son. When I went to dance with my son, they laughed at me and just walked away. “I don’t get it why do they really hate me” I said to myself. So I decided to sit by a rough, chunky tree to think about why my family hated me so much. So I threw a smooth, light grey rock into the air in anger and frustration.
Then a lovely multicolored bird caught the stone and flew off so I decided to follow. I saw outstanding things whilst following the magnificent bird like kaleidoscopic flowers with vivid petals, colossal trees and much more. Next I saw a massive glistening water fall it was so spectacular that I decided to stand in the middle of the cool blue water and then… WOOSH! Something peculiar pulled me in. I saw what it was, there were striking and exotic mermaids all around me it felt like they were my family. They stayed with me and entertained me so I decided to stay there with them for a week. After a while with the mermaids I started to have the same dream over and over again each night. The dreams were about my family, I tried to touch them but it was just a dream. I started to miss them so I asked a wild animal to take me home and it did. My family ran over to me when I arrived home and hugged me and said “We missed you a lot!” It felt like they were my family again.

7 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Dalip said,

    i liked your description shannon

  2. 2

    max said,

    i really like your description, connectives and all of your amazingly good.
    🙂 🙂 =-)

  3. 3

    kamal said,

    i love your opener but you can use more wow words

  4. 4

    Paige!! said,

    Wow shannon your story is fantastic I would like to by this story in a real shop 🙂

  5. 5

    JOSHUA THE MAN said,


  6. 6

    shanto (shannon) said,

    Thanks everyone

  7. 7

    DARSHANA said,

    I liked your beggining, and the wow word abandon, kaleidoscopic.
    Also vivid when u described the petals.
    I liked how u used yelled instead of shouted or said angrily.

Comment RSS · TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: