The Poor Song Man By Max

Have you ever felt unloved, unappreciated and unwanted? Have you ever just wanted to be loved? Have you ever just wanted to run away from your own camp? Have you just wanted to be amazingly good dancer? Well this story is all about the poor aged song man who just wanted to impress his ignoble, wretched family. He only had one dream, to impress and entertain his family. He had a wife called Merila and a grandson called Fraiser. He was the wise one in the family and always knew the right thing to do. He had loads of wrinkly wrinkles that came from the sizzling hot sun. It was long, long ago when the ancient song man was dancing his most extraordinary dance just to entertain his selfish family. Heartbroken, disheveled the elderly song man decided to do something he would never think of doing…. Leaving the camp.
Slowly the old man left the camp and snuck away. Taking a rest the song man threw a forceful rock at a mesmeric, multicolored bird. The bird flew away and the poor song man decided to follow… On his travels he saw a stunning waterfall cascading down the irrefragable Boulders. Walking down a steep path he came to some beautiful stepping stones which were so mesmeric he decided to go on an adventure. Taking in his radiant surroundings he saw such exotic colors he nearly got hypnotized. Closing his exhausted eyes, something or someone, dragged him in to the stunningly beautiful water…
Exhilarated the song man decided to follow the radiant mermaids into the bottomless river. Through the darkest caves, through the gooiest seaweed until he reached the mesmeric cave. Slowly closing his tired eyes he dreamt about his disheveled family. Thinking hard the deprived man felt lonely even though he was with the only thing that cared for him. So he made the best choice he could do…
Leave the stunning cave and go back to his lonesome family. Slowly he jumped of the unbreakable rock and onto a rough tortoise. As he took on his adventures he noticed that the strikingly handsome mermaids were really miserable about the song man leaving the mesmeric sea temple. Looking back the mature song man took his last views of the eye-catching mermaids and slowly but sadly strolled away from the mermaids. Rubbing his dead beat eyes he finally found his family once again. Running quickly, the elderly man’s son, daughter, and wife came running towards him. Suddenly the song man felt loved once again but the grandson didn’t want to give him a cuddle. As the grandson looked in his voluminous beard he saw something amazing, the mermaids from the billabong. Shocked the adolescent boy gave him a massive cuddle.

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8 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Noorulain said,

    I like your story Max

  2. 2

    Karolina said,

    I really enjoyed this story it is fab.
    star: i really love your wow words
    wish: put in more detail

  3. 4

    Zara said,

    Max I really enjoyed reading your story. I like your wow words like mesmeric, srtriking and radiant. I think you could use a ing + ly opener.
    I like your opener and question: Have you felt unloved , unappreciated and unwanted? Have you just wanted to run away from your own camp? Well done!

  4. 6

    Kyle said,

    i really enjoyed reading your story

  5. 7

    Marg Yore said,

    Hi Max,
    Thanks for your comment in reply to the one we made on Zara’s blog. As we are studying “Dust Echoes” at the moment, we are using your class stories for inspiration. This week we are going to read and discuss your post! So you will hear from the Middle Matters again soon! If you want to see the class, scroll down our blog at
    http://www.themiddlematters.blogspot.com
    and you will see a movie clip called “Welcome to our school.” The students are in Grades 3 and 4 and are turning 9 or 10 this year. How old is your class?

    Regards,

    Mrs Yore

  6. 8

    Marg Yore said,

    Hi again, Max. We have read your story in class today and here is our feedback.

    I love how you really used strong adjectives, Max. Nic and Conor
    We also like how you used the ellipsis, especially the first one which was quite dramatic. Lizzy
    You used words that created clear mental images for us. Corinne
    Your language captured our attention! Georgia
    We liked how you opened sentences with “ing” words. Gemma


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