The Poor Song Man By Zara

Have you ever been unloved and unwanted by your family?
Have you been ignored while you are trying to entertain your family?
Well in this story this is what happened to the Song man…
“Go away we don’t need you here” said his wife (Rebecca) while she was peeling the skin off a rabbit. The song man felt lonely and unloved by his cruel, negligent family. They were negligent because they didn’t appreciate all the hard work he did for them (like hunting for food). He was old and ancient and had wrinkly skinny fingers. He tried to entertain his family but they took no notice, He was heartbroken. Although he didn’t want to leave he had no choice but he had to leave. The song man trudged out his camp, tears were cascading down his cheek which was like a leather sofa. He looked over his shoulder and saw them dancing and having a greatest time without him. He had never been so sorrowful and felt like his heart was going shatter into a thousand pieces. He walked slowly and he saw beautiful, shiny pebbles on the ground. Later that day he saw mesmeric, glimmering water which was calm and serene. The waterfall was cascading like diamonds rushing down. Just at that moment he felt that he was being dragged by someone or somebody……

Then he saw a scaly, exquisite tail and long golden hair. Who was swimming gently in the water? Who could this be? Just then he saw a gorgeous, picturesque mermaid he had never saw one before ever in his life. He had the most great, fantastic time! He swam and saw lots of types of creatures. But he still remembered his family and saw them sobbing with tears. He tried to touch them but it was just a dream. He felt miserable and unhappy. Despite him missing the caring, loving mermaids he had to leave the water and go back to his family. He headed back home and slowly trudged as he waved to the mermaids. The man’s family was sitting down casted and suddenly with shock they heard footsteps. They were ever so glad and pleased they rapidly ran to the song man and hugged him. Never again will I leave my family. Now they appreciated the things he did for his family. Well that was the story of the song man.

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18 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Noorulain said,

    I like you opening Zara

  2. 2

    Noorulain said,

    I enjoed your story Zara =)

  3. 4

    zara said,

    Thank you for reading my story!!!!!!!!!

  4. 5

    darshana said,

    I liked your questions but you could add some more describetion into it.
    I enjoyed reading your story.

  5. 6

    dalip and usman said,

    we liked your wow words and the openings. we think that you could use more questions!

  6. 7

    Paige and Mya said,

    Star- you used some really great connectives also describe very well

    wish- use some better openers instead of using he most of the time

  7. 8

    Bismah said,

    I think your mermaid story is absolutely fantastic! I love your wow words like: trudged,rapidly,mesmeric and much more! 🙂

  8. 9

    Paige! said,

    I really liked your fact you have put into your story it so good and its so effective!!!!!

  9. 10

    mya said,

    Yes your right paige and Bismah, Zara has used a great simile:
    The song man trudged out his camp, tears were cascading down his cheek which was like a leather sofa. Well done!

  10. 11

    Zara said,

    Thank you everyone for commenting on my story!!!!

  11. 12

    max said,

    I have got my own blog called maxsuperman.wordpress.com please visit it 🙂 🙂 😉

  12. 13

    Mya said,

    I’ve seen that you’ve put your aboriginal story ont there, more people can give you feedback now.

  13. 14

    Marg Yore said,

    Dear Zara, It’s the Middle Matters from Melbourne, here.We are viewing Dust Echoes now! In your story you use some very descriptive adjectives. Is that what you mean by WOW words?It inspires us to do the same.Our favourite part was “cascading like diamonds.” You painted the picture with words!

    From Chloe, Siobhon, Nic and Sam.

  14. 18

    kai said,

    It is great! How long did it take?


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